Life

Wow. I can't believe it's the middle of August. Where has the summer gone? Not much time to blog anymore. Let's hope a picture really is worth a thousand words ...

A different perspective ...

A Different Perspective

For anyone considering adoption, please read this article.

November 01, 2006 / Cynthia Hockman-Chupp



Imagine for a moment....

You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by soul mate, for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the worldthe person who will be with you for the rest of your life. The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face. But it's not him! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man?

Where is your beloved?
You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back. . .even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him? Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone.


You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact. Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it. More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you?

You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried. The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you. You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to get along. You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.

Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair. Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before.

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black. You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep.

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness. Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.

How would each of us handle all these changes?

How would this impact us for the rest of our lives?

The end of a journey?

We have Mei Mei!

Finally, after 3 plus years of waiting!

It's been a challenging trip, but as the saying goes - "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger." So far, Elizabeth has been an outstanding big sister. She has altered her initial opinion about baby sister, however - she's gone from "Baby sister's the cutest baby ever!" to "Baby sister is the loudest baby ever!" She's also made some basic observations - "She's almost as pretty as I am," and "Our baby's cuter than yours,"(made to another family in our group). Never a dull moment with a 5-year-old around.

The end of a journey? Nope, just the beginning of a new one ...

You might be adopting from China if ...

... you know that I-600 & I-171 aren't highways.

... you've been expecting a baby for over 3 years.

... you understand that it's 2006 in some parts of the world.

... you've "paid for" 3 immigration approvals, but never brought anyone into the U.S.

... you know that waiting for China has nothing to do with Dillards or dishes.

... your homestudy is followed by a number (i.e. #3 or #4).

... you never know how many days next month will have.

... you know that babies come in batches.

... you've been fingerprinted four times, but never committed a crime.

... you automatically assume everyone who is expecting is having a girl.

... you own new clothing in 3 little sizes for all 4 seasons (because you don't know when or how big).

... you look twice when you see a ladybug.

... you're more interested in what will happen in March 2006 than in March 2009.

... you know people who understand when you talk about 2 day months & 5 day months.

... your due date hasn't changed by days, but by years.

... you know who the Rumor Queen is.....AND you don't know who she is.

... you know that forecast doesn't have anything to do with the weather.

... you've waited so long, they re-checked your fingerprints to see if they changed.

... trying to understand why they're printing you again, you study your own fingerprints and wonder if fingerprints grow wrinkles.

... when you speak of "that time of month" you're talking about CCAA updates & referrals.

You might be adopting from China if you love someone you've never met with all your heart.

Author Unknown

Doin' the happy dance ...

We're doin' the happy dance here! We have our travel dates and are ready to roll! Stay tuned ...

Still waiting ...

Still no word from our agency on definite travel dates. It makes no sense - unless it's the "Less You Have To Do, The Less You Do" theory. Referrals are way down - so what the heck is everybody doing??

It's now more than 7 weeks since our referral. I'm following blogs of folks who received their referral the same day we did and are in China with their babies right now! When we traveled the first time, we were there and back 7 weeks after our referral. Is it China? Is it our agency? Is it the US Consulate?

I don't even know where to target my frustration, and it doesn't really matter. Right now, we're powerless to do anything about it. But watch out - I can't imagine it's good Karma keeping a baby from her mama!

New Birthday Pictures!

Our Local Chinese New Year Celebration!

The pictures say it all ...

Happy Birthday, Yun Yi!

Today was Yun Yi's 1st birthday and this was the cake that we arranged to be sent to her through Ann at Red Thread China. The orphanage was kind enough to send a couple of pictures, including 1 of Yun Yi and her friends waiting for their share of cake. What a happy girl! She grows more beautiful with each passing day, don't you think?

Not much happening ...

There's not much going on right now. We have our Visas. Our I-600A extension was approved last week and an updated I-171H is on the way (ours expired 1/31/09). We're just waiting for our TA (Travel Approval). I'm not sure why it's taking so long. I know that a few of the families that received their referrals on the same day we received ours are leaving for China in 2 days. I'm happy for them, but feeling a bit sorry for myself.

Yun Yi's 1st birthday is tomorrow. I'm hoping her nannies will take lots of pictures of her with the birthday cake we've sent. Elizabeth came up with the idea of making "Fairy Cakes" tomorrow to celebrate her baby sister's birthday. Fairy cakes are pink cupcakes sprinkled with fairy-dust (or candy sprinkles, whichever you happen to have in your cupboard). She got the idea from Charlie & Lola and tells me Fairy Cakes are a must for a successful birthday party. So, she and Dada will be busy baking while Mama works. She's going to be a great big sister ...

Once there were two women ...

From the book: Motherbridge of Love
(Illustrated by Josee Masse)

Once there were two women
Who hardly knew each other
One you do not remember
The other you call mother
Two different lives shaped to make yours one
One becoming your guiding star
The other became your sun
The first gave you life
And the second taught you to live in it
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it
One gave you nationality
The other gave you a name
One gave you the seed of talent
The other gave you an aim
One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears
The age old questions through the years;
Heredity or environment -
which are you the product of?
Both my darling - both
And two different kinds of love!

Xin Nian Kuai Le! (Happy New Year!)

Unlike it's Western counterpart the Chinese New Year (also known as Spring Festival) is steeped in tradition and superstition. It is the most important of all Chinese holidays as it is a time of year to welcome a prosperous year, acknowledge and renew family ties and cleanse and refresh the home.

Chinese New Year is celebrated over a period of time. It is celebrated from the first day of the First Moon of the lunar calender. So this can be anytime between January 21st to February 19th. The festivities and preparations begin in December of the current year, and can extend well into the New Year.

This allows time to create, renovate and celebrate one of the most amazing cultures of our world.

House Cleaning Traditions

Sweeping out the old year and welcoming in the new year begins long before New Year's Day. All debts must be cleared and new ones must not be undertaken at this time, lest they block prosperity from entering the household. The entire house must be cleaned from top to bottom. The regrets and bad influences of the previous year must be scrubbed away before the house can accept the good fortune of the upcoming year. Doorframes and insulation are reinforced to keep it in. All cleaning and any cutting and trimming, even of hair or fingernails, must be completed before the special day and the materials stored away, lest the good luck accidentally be swept away also.

After the house is cleaned up and debts cleared, the color red is applied to home and occupations to usher in happiness (gong xi) and prosperity (facai). Red mud is applied to the wooden and mud houses to strengthen the window and door frames and seal in the new luck. Where only the cooking fire lights up the home daily, red lanterns are brought out to light up the doorways and bring cheer to passersby and mark the household for visitors.













There is another reason why red adorns both structure and people. The Chinese believe that in winter, the monster named Nian in Chinese is released to eat up human beings. However, it is afraid of the color red and will shy away from anything dressed in red. Moreover, it is also afraid of loud happy noise, hence the emergence of the fire crackers to scare it away and loud beatings of drums to celebratory lion and dragon dances.

At any point after New Year's Day, the floors are once again swept, but this time in a specific pattern, working from the doors toward the center of the house, to hold in the good fortune of the family. To sweep the dirt out over the threshold during this festival is to sweep one of the family away. The rubbish is then carefully removed to a corner of the room, so that no one accidentally tramples it. It may not be thrown out until the fifth day of the festival, and then it must leave by the back door.

Family Traditions

On the last day of the old year, families come together over a reunion dinner in the home of the eldest member of the family and reminisce (shou sui) about the year gone by. Fish and chicken are always included, symbolising abundance and prosperity; and sometimes leftovers are left deliberately so that there may be surpluses every year (which sounds almost the same as "may there be fish every year"). Other traditional foods at this time are also homophones for good fortune and other desirable things; while the traditional dumplings of northern parts of China resemble gold nuggets. After dinner, the house is given a quick final cleaning. Then the women of the family lay out food and offerings for the ancestors and gods on the family altar, and as midnight approaches, prayers are offered and every window and door in the house is opened. Traditional observance also calls for all fires to be extinguished as well: there is to be no cooking on New Year's Day. Children are encouraged to actively participate throughout, staying up until midnight to greet their parents in the new year, as this is believed to enhance the longevity of their parents.

Blooming plants are brought into the house to accompany the platters of oranges and candies and the special plum tree, living symbols of rebirth and new growth and success in one's career. Without flowers, there can be no fruits. Fortunate the household whose plant comes into bloom exactly on New Year's Day, for that family will have a year of prosperity. The house is decorated in red and gold, the walls are hung with wishes for good fortune written on red paper, and red lanterns are brought outside to light up the night.












The candy trays have their own special significance. Shaped like a circle or octagon (eight-sided, for good fortune), the Tray of Togetherness contains eight different types of candy:

* candied melon (for growth and good health)
* coconut (for togetherness)
* cumquat (gold, for prosperity)
* longnan (for many sons)
* lotus seeds (for many children)
* lychee nut (for strong family relationships)
* melon seeds (dyed red, for truth, sincerity, and happiness)
* peanuts (for long life)

Adults who take candy from the tray leave red envelopes containing money (hong bao) in the centre compartment of the tray. The amount is always even, but never in fours (4 is the number of death).

At midnight of the New Year, the drums start beating, the firecrackers erupt, and the lion and dragon dances begin, chasing away the ancient man-eating monster called "nian" - which translates to "year". The hungry old year tries forever to devour people, but at the new year it is chased away with red fortune and loud noises.



Honoring Friends and Neighbors

As New Year's Day goes, so follows the rest of the year. The deities of heaven and earth are welcomed into the home. Everyone gets dressed in (often new) red clothing, even the sick, because it is unlucky to greet anyone in their bedroom. It is a visiting day, and some consult an almanac to determine the most auspicious direction to head out of the house in the morning. To see or hear songbirds, swallows, or red-coloured birds (in midwinter!) is very auspicious. It is traditional to bring a gift of oranges or tangerines, especially with the leaves intact, and a hong bao when visiting at any time during the New Year festival. It is also traditional for the host to leave the guest with a gift of oranges or tangerines, the same number as was brought but never the exact same fruit, for this would be to disrespect the well-wishing of the guest.

Especially, everyone refrains from disharmony of any kind during this day. Guests are offered only sweet drinks and foods, never anything sour or spicy, so that they might have a sweet disposition. Negative words such as the number four are carefully avoided. Knives and scissors may not be used, since this may cut off good fortune; nor can hair be washed, lest the luck wash out of the house. Those who extinguished fires at midnight must not now light them: so all food to be consumed today must already have been cooked, probably as part of yesterday's feast. Children are given more freedom to be mischievous on this day than on any other (and are given hong bao even so!): for if they cry this day, they will cry for the rest of the year. Death and dying absolutely must not be mentioned, nor can the old year be referred to in any way. It is a new year, and a new beginning.

Other Traditions

The second and third days are for prayers and visiting the graves of ancestors. Married daughters visit their birth parents on the second day, whom their husbands will also meet on the third and fourth days. No other relatives should be visited on the third, fourth, or fifth day, lest an unwanted argument erupt. It is also a special day for the pet dog, for this day is held to be the birthday of all dogs.

On the fifth day, Po Woo, people stay home to welcome the god of wealth. Obviously it is a very poor idea to go visiting during this day! Visits do resume immediately afterward, however. In northern China, the future flow of wealth is greeted with a feast of "gold nugget" dumplings.

Most people celebrate birthdays and count themselves one year older on the seventh day of the New Year festival, the common man's birthday (renri), with traditional birthday fare of long sweet noodles, red-dyed eggs, and peach-shaped buns with a sweet paste of red bean or lotus at their hearts (sou tao, literally "longevity peach"). Expatriate Chinese may also include a raw fish salad known as yusheng. Because the very long noodles represent longevity, every effort must be made to eat the noodles without cutting or biting them short.

Starting at midnight on the ninth day, prayers and offerings are made to the Jade Emperor of Heaven, giving thanks for his protection. Some regions of China also hold another family reunion dinner before the prayers. The next few days of the festival continue to be visiting days, but the rate of activity is slowly winding down. Stores have reopened, and business is slowly getting back to normal.

On the fifteenth and last day of the New Year festival, also known as the Lantern Festival, candles and lanterns are again lit outside homes and families also walk the street with lit lanterns, this time to guide lost spirits home.

Gong Xi Fa Cai! (Wishing you prosperity!)

The New First Family ...

New photos!

Just look at our beautiful girl! Ann (from Red Thread China) contacted Yun Yi's orphanage and was able to get us an update - pictures and all! She's now over 28 inches tall, weighs 16.5 lbs, and has 4 teeth. You can see her standing tall, something her sister was unable to do at that age. What wonderful caregivers she must have and what a difference it makes being at a Half-The-Sky Center!


We arranged for a care package to be sent to Yun Yi through Red Thread China (http://redthreadchina.com/). We sent her a soft pink musical teddy bear and a warm cuddly blanket, so that when we go to meet her next month she will have something familiar to bring with her and hold on to. We understand how stressful this will be for her and want to make the transition as smooth as possible. We also included some fine tea as well as candy and a cake for all of the staff and children to celebrate the New Year and Yun Yi's upcoming 1st birthday. We deeply appreciate all the love and care they've given Yun Yi this last year and are more grateful than can ever be expressed.


I have to say it again ... isn't she just the cutest little thing?!! Just love that Mohawk - Elizabeth thinks "it kind of looks like Mama's hair in the morning." And dang, if she isn't right!